baby it's cold outside.

the last two mornings it has been chilly enough to see my breath as i left for work.

my first real seasonal change in five years!

man.

so i just wrote this very clever piece but it invovles me using some less than flattering (though i would argue more than accurate) descriptors of a coworker. the person is not the focus of the piece, as usual they are just the lens through which i view yet another one of my foibles (suprise, surprise). and i know, i KNOW said coworker will never stumble upon it. i know noone would tell him/her about it. and i know people would think it was funny.

yet, i still deleted it.

you never know.

call me britney

my students did an assignment that asked them to interview five people (some older, some younger, etc) about whether it was important to study history or not. every kid had someone who quipped about the whole condemned to repeat it thing. and i blew through grading those with my usual heard-that-whatever attitude.

and yet, here i am, making the same goddamn mistakes over again.

and so, britney, i hear you. i did it again too. oops.

duchamp vs. matisse

my dad showed up tonight and one of our conversations was about ken burns's new documentary on andy warhol. my dad was very happy that burns parrots someone who declares warhol the most important artist of the second half of the 20th century. dad was bummed though that the label of most important artist of the first half went to picasso. he adamantly believes (while still liking picasso) that the title should go to either duchamp or matisse. usually dad leans duchamp.

i wonder if other people have conversations like this with their dads. i'm guessing no.

bad omen #2

my landlord told me a while ago that the lady who lived in my apartment for a dozen years before me fed stray cats. they stopped coming around when he started rehabbing the place.

tonight i get home and a bunch of cats are sitting on my stairs. they are still there and one of them is mewing kind of pathetically. they are freaking me out and i want them to go away. i also feel guilty because i am going to disappoint them. i am not going to feed them. i don’t like cats, i don’t want them collecting on my steps. i feel like i am a bad person.

call me marty

i don’t really buy into signs or omens. but I got home tonight and looked at a picture of me, jill, emma, and emma from one of the last nights before graduation. we are strutting along the street on the way to some party. we look young. we look good. except, marty mcfly style, my face has faded into a blank space. everything else is ok in the pic except I have no features at all. i'm totally freaked out.

where have i been?

i just got back from camping with 70 seventh graders. we went to michigan. i got to make quesadillas over an open fire and sleep in a yurt. i'm a lucky girl.

this is...

me closer than i appear.

fall showed up this weekend.

it was like a houseguest that you are really excited is coming but they show up an hour earlier than planned because there was no traffic. so the doorbell rings and you say "shit" out loud and look around because there are still clumps of toothpaste in the sink and no sheets on the guest bed. you open the door and say "hey. you're here." in a slightly strained voice and both statements could have either question marks or exclamation points so you just give them periods. because you really are excited but you just aren't ready yet.

so fall, give me a couple days. i'm glad you're here, it's just the house is still a mess.

only in a middle school.

those who know and love me know i am prone to hyperbole. a little stretch here, an embellishment there. no harm, no foul.

but today i had something happen that needs zero embellishment. on its own it is a shiny nugget of the ridiculousness that is middle school.

my kids, who are 7th graders, met me for the first time today. i am a novelty, a new teacher, an unknown. i gave them a few minutes at the end of the class to ask me questions. it was open, except i asked them to keep in mind the boundaries of good taste. i got the typical favorite color, favorite food, etc. they wanted to know my first name. all aok in my book.

two questions stand out as so awesome, i must share. word for word.

kid A: "if you were reincarnated, would you rather be a frog, a duck, or a muffin?"
--i chose duck. while i like muffins and hopping, ducks can fly. that's cool. one girl pointed out the drawback of being hunted. still, a muffin?

two classes later, kid B: "have you ever farted blue gas?"
--now i will admit this caught me off guard. i've been asked about bodily functions before and have trained myself not to blush. i also know it is test for me, am i cool or do i suck? but still, blue gas? like a puff of blue smoke billowing from my backside? the response i came up with was "no, but i'll let you know if i do." not a slam dunk, not an airball.

things i hate right now, addendum

so not only does waking up early suck, not getting to go to bed sucks too. i have 70 kids showing up tomorrow and nary a thing to wear. please don't make a joke about how i can just teach naked. i am overtired, freaked out, and can't figure out which copy code to use at which time. my big plans to get to a dry cleaner were shot to shit by the reality of a new job, new apartment, new city, etc.

thus:

i hate the guys across the street for using our alley as a de facto garage for them and all their friends. must we drill till 10 pm?

i hate the 72 west bound bus. must we never, ever come so that when we do arrive we are filled to capacity? must we make me late to everything after school, always and forever?

i hate my lower back and shoulders. must we hurt and ache when stressed so that walking, oh i don't know, normally is difficult and bending over becomes a task?

i hate the giant box from my sofa wedged in my hallway. must we be difficult to get to the dumpster and thus soul destroying in our ability to make me feel like i can't quite finish anything?

i hate the animal trapped in the dumpster this morning. must we scamper about making me yelp as the cute neighbor walks by AND make any disposal of the aforementioned box impossible?

i hate my travel coffee mug for leaking on everything in my bag. must we destroy the check in the envelope already stamped to go out as well as all the papers i brought home as well as making me stink like a folger's salesman?


i do, however, like teaching. it makes me a cranky cow sometimes, but it's the best.

the drilling is stopped. i am off to bed.

tomorrow is my first day of school. i hate the first day of school.

i forgot just how early teachers get up.

this sucks.

this is...

my mom posing in front of the biggest truck ever. i drove it to pick up my sofa. because chicago is a real city, i had the great privilege of navigating it in the alley behind the store. the alley had dumpsters on both sides, took a sharp unexpected right turn, giant poles (metal, not ethnic) and a man who insisted on remaining on the ground with his legs in the way while reading a newspaper. i am going to assume he was blind and deaf, despite reading the newspaper and talking to me, because otherwise it is just rude that he stayed there. maybe he was stuck.

i was going to call this post "movers and shakers" because i was both a furniture mover and shaking uncontrollably while attempting to navigate the ally. but then i thought about the consistency of this new baby blog and how the other photos were introduced. see? i really do put thought into this.

my mother is like an ant - deceptively strong for her size. after pulling off the driving while wearing a snappy top and sunglasses, i am once again astounded that some cute guy hasn't snapped me up. a chick that can drive a giant truck and look good? c'mon guys, get with it!